Catching an unfaithful partner is an art. The important parts are recognizing suspicious behaviors, building a case, catching them, confronting them, but most importantly not letting them know that you know until you are ready. You want them to feel relaxed and believe they are so clever that you have no clue. Maybe then they won’t cover their tracks, making it a little easier for you to catch them. This gives you room to ensnare them without added obstacles they may impose.

Suspicious Behavior
These are some of the most likely signs you have an unfaithful partner. These behaviors do not guarantee someone is being unfaithful but more than two or three of these at once are justification to be suspicious.

• Appearance. They start taking better care of their appearance, looks and clothes.
• Timeliness. They begin showing up late and make sudden excuses on why they have to leave. Their comings and goings become unpredictable.
• Hangouts. They start hanging out at new places or old hang outs without you. You are not invited and their excuse is they were seeing friends.
• Sex. They become unaffectionate and/or lose a sexual appetite. Note: cheaters who do not become less interested in their partner are harder to catch. Sometimes the opposite happens and they have a perverse rush by having more sex with you while they carry on an affair. Especially if its drastic increase for sex or they begin making requests for new sexual acts.
• Attitude. They becoming moody, bossy or show irritation towards you for no reason. To them, it helps justify cheating because the relationship is bad. However, this could be due to some other dissatisfaction with you.
• The Phone. You hear them whispering on the phone or they hang up quickly when you enter the room. You ask who was the phone and they become defensive or act as if they are making something up. Strange numbers on the phones are another sign. Again, remember not to let them know of your suspicious. Don’t push whatever excuse they made up but make a note.
• Work. They don’t want you showing up at their place of business. If someone is trying to have an affair at work the last thing they want is their partner showing up. It’s hard to keep the story of a relationship falling apart when the partner is being nice in front of the person they are after. Furthermore, if you do show affectionate at work, notice who is around and how they respond.
• No Time. They start acting like they don’t have time for you. They wake up and go to work/school with little conversation. They come home and want to do anything else but sit snug and talk. This is only suspicious if you once had a close relationship and now they act like they don’t have time for you.
• Physical Evidence. New and unusual smells or marks on their clothes such as perfume or lipstick.
• A Woman’s Glow. When a woman cheats she tends to have more glow or spunk to her. If your girl disappears late one night and next day is happy like the first time you had sex that’s a big warning sign.
• Old Lovers. They start talking to an old lover or partner and referring to them as a friend. Nothing good comes out of your partner conversing with past partners. If they never quit talking to a past lover this CAN BE an exception. It’s when an old flame comes back from nowhere you should really be worried.
• Cheating History. They have a history of cheating. History tends to repeat itself. It’s easiest to figure this out in the beginning of a relationship before they have a motivation to cover their tracks. Bringing up your past relationships and how you have cheated (only if you have) while asking them the same is one way to feel them out about it.
• Space. They want space or time alone to themselves. This is usually an excuse to get out of the relationship before they start seeing someone else. Note: If you break up so you can have space and then catch them this is not technically cheating.
  

Building Your Case To Prove They Are Unfaithful
Do your homework. Keep a record of everything they say and do that you find suspicious. For any of the following keep a log of dates, time, conversations and what you find out. Research what you find the best you can and save this information for your confrontation. Depending on circumstance it could take a while to catch them so you want to make sure your facts are written down so you don’t later have a hard time building your case. Additionally, some clues make more sense later when you have new information. Once again don’t let them suspect you are on to them and make sure your notes are somewhere they can’t find them.

• Sex. Deciding to continue having sex with someone you suspect is a difficult issue. Your refusal or excuse might tip them off in relation to your suspicions. However, if you are uncomfortable having sex with someone, regardless of the reason, then you shouldn’t be have to have sex with them. It is perfectly understandable in this type of situation, just don’t tell them that is your reason for not having sex. Handle this situation the best way you can where you feel comfortable with it.
• Watch The Odometer. Figure out how far it is to work or wherever it is they frequently go and watch the miles on the odometer. If it’s off by more than 10% when they claim they went directly there and back that’s something to write down.
• Time It. If they don’t drive, clock how long it takes them to travel to their destination. Call them to ask something benign shortly after they are supposed to arrive.
• Follow Up. If he says he was working late on some big project, then ask him about the project a couple of days later. Ask one of his coworkers or boss also, if the opportunity arises. Don’t ask if its true, rather ask about their performance or if they completed it on time. If the people you ask have no clue what you’re talking about, write it down.
• Cell Phones. Look at their cell phone for strange numbers or new names in the address book. Learn about the different lists on the phone. For example, the recently called list, the incoming calls list, the missed calls list, etc.
• Work. If you think they are having an affair at work show up and be affectionate. Notice who is around or if they pull away or look uncomfortable.
• Condoms. Count the condoms to see if any are missing. Check the expiration dates or lot numbers to see if new condoms were bought.
• Rumors. Where there is smoke there is often fire. If you get word they are being unfaithful pick apart what you hear for as many details as possible. You should be careful of the source. Ensure someone isn’t being misleading to create problems. Provided the person has nothing to gain from your knowing that makes them more credible. Ask if they mind you using their name as a source of your knowledge. Under most circumstances people who are lying don’t want to be identified to the person they are lying about. The exception would be a close friend of the possible cheater.
• Money. Look at their credit card and bank statements. Keep your eyes open for strange expenses at the flower or jewelry store. Having an affair, especially for a man, is usually expensive.
• Pay. If they are working late check their pay stub for overtime.
  

How To Catch Them Red Handed

• Follow Them! If they are working late or going on one of those strange errands try to get behind them and see where they go. When they have to work late, hide outside their place of business. See when they leave. Then follow them. However, if you get caught doing this it will not only be embarrassing, but will tip them off. On the other hand, if they lied about going somewhere this is proof they are being dishonest and have more to hide. If you are busy and have a friend who owes you favor this is a good time to call it in.
• Detectives. Get a detective to do your dirty work for you. However, this can be expensive.
• Pictures. Use a camera whenever possible to discredit their story. For instance, if they are supposed to be at work, go by and take pictures of their car not being there. Same with any other place they are supposed to be. If you are fortunate enough to know where they are cheating get a picture of their vehicle their. Save this for your confrontation.
• Surveillance Equipment. Buy hidden cameras and microphones for the house. Use this to record what is being done and said in your absence.
• The Phone. Get a phone tap for your home phone to record their conversations.
• Entrapment. If you can get an idea for their pattern, setup some fake time away or trip when it seems likely they will stray. Then hide or wait to get more evidence. If you have already done your homework this might be a good time to bust them red handed.
• Work. Check their stories personally. If they have to work late, drive by and see if their car or light is on. If they are going to a bar, stop by and see if you can find them.
• The Internet. If you believe they are having an Internet affair download a keyboard tracker that records everything they do. The computer is also a major source of information.
• A Source. If someone is telling you they are cheating and has first hand knowledge ask if they will be present when you confront them. At the very least ask if they can be contact to verify your accusations. Once again, people who want to remain anonymous in the matter are likely hiding something themselves.
• GPS. There are now GPS tracking devices for cars, dogs and children you can use. If you can hide one in their car or belongings, this can be invaluable in catching them. However there are legal issues in using these to track someone. Make sure your not breaking any laws by using this technique.

Their Friends
Don’t trust their friends! A person’s friends will cover for them out of loyalty and guilt. You probably would or have done the same for some of your friends. Friends will make up and stick to any story or alibi to cover for a pal. Don’t trust them! Sometimes you can use this loyalty to your advantage. For instance, if your partner said they were going to “Moe’s Tavern” for a drink ask their friend casually, when your partner isn’t around, how their night was at “Billy’s Bar & Grill”. If their friend is trying to stick to an alibi changing facts about the story creates confusion. They will not be sure if their friend screwed up the story or if they remember things wrong. If they don’t correct the mistake that’s strong evidence your partner is lying about something. You might want to follow up with your partner before their friend talks to them to ask again where he/she was to make your bust concrete. If their friend acts confused or hesitates at this tactic but still keeps the story right that is suspicious but not condemning evidence. This tactic is best used when you already have other evidence, once their friend reports back your partner will become wise that you are on to them.

Confrontation
There are two ways to confront your partner, red handed and after the fact.

• Red Handed is when you walk in on them during or shortly after the act. This makes it hard, but not impossible, unless they’re naked, to refute your claims. Its smart to make sure you have evidence for an indirect confrontation just in case something goes wrong. If you catch your partner at their secret companion’s house or hotel wait 10-20 minutes before making yourself known. Give them time to get hot and sweaty before announcing yourself. Otherwise, you may walk in on them having a casual conversation or lunch, which can be denied as wrongdoing.
• The Indirect Method is when your homework pays off. You bring up all the dates, times, witnesses, phone calls, pictures and whatever else you have. You throw everything at them at once giving them too much to defend. Before you do so, make sure your evidence is near bulletproof since they are likely to try and discredit it.
  If there are children involved, try to have them out of the line of fire and someplace where they can avoid the blow up.

Denial
One thing you may face is an unbreakable wall of denial. A few people have the ability to lie and profess their innocence in the face of anything, to include catching them in the act. These individuals will deny your accusations no matter how strong the evidence is. It is with people like this, that your homework becomes most important. If they still claim their innocence, then you have to make a judgment call. If the evidence is overwhelmingly damning and their stories don’t add up, trust you are right even if they don’t admit it! This can be especially hard to do if you want to get things back the way they were. The good news is people with this trait tend to be a pain in the ass about their mistakes all the time. If you know they deny other mistakes, you shouldn’t be surprised they do not admit to this one. If your partner has a history of lying and self-denial this is that much more reason to believe they are full of it.

The Aftermath
What happens after you have confronted or busted them depends on what you want. Some people have zero tolerance for such behavior and its over no matter what comes next, while others are more forgiving of indiscretions. There are those who may be too insecure or dependent. There may be an unwillingness to leave because of children or other responsibilities. Know which way you are going before you confront them.

• Prep For Leaving. If you already know its over have an exit strategy before the confrontation. This is very important. It’s a terrible situation to be staying with someone who has betrayed you. If you are married it is wise to talk to an attorney before your confrontation so as to make sure you handle things in lawful way. You don’t want to lose out during a divorce because you made mistakes in confronting the person. This is especially true if you used questionable methods to get your evidence.
• You. Assuming it’s you who will be leaving notify a friend or family member that you need a place to stay for a while. If you have a joint checking account take out whatever money you see as fair before hand. If you live with the person try to have your stuff packed and ready to go before hand. Maybe notify a mover to show up the next day to get everything out. If there is anything important you want go ahead and take it, don’t wait for them to grab it first or destroy it. If you don’t have a job find one before you make your stand. Make a clean fast break and don’t look back!
• The Cheater. If it’s them who will be leaving have the locks changed immediately or before hand. Have their stuff packed and ready to go so they have no reason to come back looking for stuff. Maybe have a mover notified to come the next day to take their stuff away. Make sure they can’t take anything of value including emptying the bank account. If you share cars have the keys to the one you want to keep. If you think they have a spare get the locks on the car changed ASAP.
• Staying. If you know you are not going to leave don’t let them know this. Otherwise they have no motivation to stop cheating, whatever you say will have little affect. Make them sweat how bad they screwed up for as long as you can. Make them believe the relationship is over and it will take nothing short of an act from god to fix things. Once you’ve establish this fear you can work backwards at your own pace letting them regain your trust.
  

Conclusion
Infidelity is usually a symptom of a bigger problem. Sometimes it is a problem within the relationship. Many times it is a problem the unfaithful party already had. Regardless of the reasons, it is a betrayal. Trust has been broken. That is something that is hard to fix. The damage to trust, many times, is irreparable. In these circumstances, it only prolongs the inevitable end of the relationship by staying in it. If repairable, it is a long hard road to walk. Good Luck, whichever path you choose.